It’s time for me to pull over and let the Lord drive.
Last year, I was in this place, feeling as though I was just stuck. I felt paralyzed and unable to move. Confused, scared and not knowing which direction to step in, I’d walk around with a heavy heart daily. I’d wear a fake smile when I saw people so that no one would ask what was wrong. And when they did ask how I was, I’d say “I’m doing good”.
So here is my truth; I wasn’t doing good, but I wanted them to believe I was. I didn’t want to appear weak so I thought I had to present myself as having it all together. I didn’t want anyone to know I needed help to get “unstuck”.
I’m hard on myself when I make mistakes and I hate disappointing others, so much so that I fail to set boundaries for myself. If I’m being honest, up until a year ago I had no idea boundaries were even important.
I’ve told myself, God is with me so I can endure anything [Because with God we can]. I’ve told myself that I can handle anything that comes my way. But if that is the case, why are there times that I feel as though I can’t carry the weight? And why are there times it feels as if my own heart is about to burn right through my chest?
I think some of us have been in this place of pretending. Not for the world but, pretending for ourselves. Because if we were to admit that we needed help, or if we were to let go of the circumstances hurting us, to ourselves that would be giving up, and giving up is not supposed to be an option. At least it never was for me.
As circumstances arose in my life, I coached myself by telling myself that giving up is only for the weak. I told myself, “If you are strong, you must be able to endure any type of pain.”
As I grow and draw closer to God, I am beginning to realize that I was in denial. Because as I was coaching myself to “endure”, I’d been allowing the pain to slowly break me to pieces. I had to self reflect and ask myself, “Is that really how I want to live the rest of my life?” The answer was clear: No it is not.
I want to smile and feel the joy that only peace can cover us with. But how do I get there? I don’t know how to fix what is wrong. I’ve tried. I don’t know how to make others see my heart, I’ve tried that too.
I always end up trying in my own strength. But why? I know that God’s strength is made perfect in weakness [2 Corinthians 12:9], so why was I stopping him from showing up? Why was I stopping God from showing me his power?
I knew the answer: It was because of fear.
I was comfortable holding onto what hurt me because I feared facing reality.
Living in daily pain blinds you. You become so used to being hurt that you believe it’s wrong for you to stop the hurt, because if you do, you’re either giving up or you’re going to hurt someone else.
Hurting someone else is the absolute last thing you want to do, so you cope and you endure.
If loving yourself enough not to let someone hurt you causes them to label you as selfish or self-centered, you have to be ok with their label. You have to be willing to accept that their opinion of you is “theirs” and theirs alone
Do you want to be happy?
If so, accept that you will not find happiness in an unhappy place.
Accept that pain and happiness cannot coexist.
Accept that there are some who are incapable of showing love to “you”, even when you love them.
Believing in someone will not guarantee they will believe in you. Being kind to someone does not mean they will be kind to you.
So know this…
Will it be easy? No. Will it hurt? Of course! Will it take time to gather up the strength to make the decision to do it and then follow through with it? Yes! For me it took years to get to where I knew I had to let go and let God take the control.
Are you in this place? Is your relationship with a close family member, friend, partner, or work superior hurting or diminishing who you are?
Be strong enough to realize that living in pain is a cycle that must be broken. You may not know how to break it or what direction to go in, but you don’t have to. Surrender yourself to God’s lead and take him at his word. He wants us happy.
Staying in pain or constant discomfort will not bring you happiness. It is time to stop just existing. We will always have struggles in life but we must choose not to allow them to keep us feeling stuck daily.
It’s time to enjoy the life you were blessed with and start to live! Tomorrow isn’t promised.
Make the choice to be Happy and let God handle it🙏 It is a choice you will never regret. Get out of your way and ask Jesus to lead. You must guard your heart in order for the healing to start.
Allow God’s truth to change you and restore joy to your life. Choose to be happy!
Growing with you,
Father God, Thank you for loving us even when we feel unlovable. Thank you for standing with us through doubt and uncertainty until we are strong enough to surrender our circumstances and situations over to you. Thank you for never giving up on us and for waiting for us to place our lives in your hands. Jesus you pursue us even when we try to live without you in our own strength. You love us through our bad choices, downfalls and when we are stuck in our valley. Thank you for never giving up and for showing me what unconditional love truly is. Father, tonight I lift up anyone who is struggling in a dark place which they feel they cannot come out of. Father, I ask that you restore the joy in their lives and reveal to them that your grace is sufficient for them and that your power is made perfect in weakness. May they seek after you in their valley, oh Lord. May they surrender it all at your feet Lord and place their trust solely in you. In Jesus name we pray, Amen!