When You Feel like A Failure

When You Feel like A Failure

Anyone who knows me well, knows I love to write. Words have always come easy for me when written. Verbally, I can’t articulate my thoughts as coherently, so finding words to express myself in a face to face conversation can be a challenge sometimes. I’m not quite sure why that is, but I think it’s partially due to the fact that my brain is constantly overthinking. Since my mind is always racing with thoughts, similarly of course, my heart is always full of the emotions my thoughts bring forth. Writing allows me time to sort and organize my thoughts and feelings.

I started this blog to encourage others and to share my own person journey of growth. To show my readers that God doesn’t expect perfection and that we should never feel alone or unworthy. But, somehow along the way I felt like I became a failure to God and I lost my voice. My words became utter confusion and I was incapable of writing anything that I felt would bless another.

A Christian is a follower of Christ and as Christians we strive to “Live like Jesus”, but as humans we will always fall short.

And I did. I became pregnant in December, 2017 with my 2nd child out of wedlock. The church teaches that sex before marriage is a sin and due to that I felt unworthy. I knew God loved me, but I felt that I failed in following him the way he desired I should. I always thought that you were supposed to be married to have children. Yet in my search for love as an unwed woman, I gave birth to two beautiful girls who are 21 years apart.

You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:13

The birth of a child [new life] is one of the most beautiful treasures you will ever experience.

My girls are my world. There is no greater beauty to me than their lives. But, the enemy took hold of my mind and caused me to feel like I was a failure since I was unwed. I was at the end of my senior year in high school when I became pregnant with my firstborn, and with my second daughter I’d just turned 39, an age which I held myself accountable due to wanting to do it “the right way”.

After raising my first daughter as a single mom, I told myself that I’d wait until marriage if I were ever again blessed with the opportunity to have a second child, but it didn’t end up that way for me. I became pregnant and had my second daughter out of wedlock as well.

Did that make me a failure? Did it mean I failed God? I felt that way. But I longed for a bigger family and to have more children, so although part of me was scared and felt that I failed God again, having a new life growing within me made another part of me feel as though a hunger was filled.

My second pregnancy occurred at a time when I thought it would never again happen for me. At a time when I’d just found peace and the acceptance that I was only meant to have one child. Or so I thought…

Internally, I was happy at this chance to be a mom again, but fear consumed my mind. I battled thoughts of failure over not setting the proper example for my then college student. My feelings of being a failure to God and my daughter stole my ability so show my inner joy.

So many thoughts consumed my mind; would I end up a single mom again? Would this man and I ever get married? Was this the man God intended for me to build a family with? Would my daughter be angry with me? Would my daughter see me as a failure for teaching her one thing and then doing another? I was not leading by example.

My mind was so loud and I felt no peace. But I knew I had to be strong. Despite the internal battle going on, I knew God was with me and that he had a plan I couldn’t see.

My partner could not understand this spiritual battle I was having within and so my battle caused strain over our relationship. At a time when I should only display happiness and gratitude, I didn’t know how to.

As months passed my new precious baby girl grew in my womb. The first time I felt her move I knew that she was “life” and that she was meant to be here. Her life was precious and I realized she was not the result of my failure. She was a blessing.

When she was born I knew from the moment I set my eyes on her that she was my gift from God. My reminder that life and love are gifts from above. And just because they don’t come in the perfect package we expected them in, that doesn’t mean we should feel shame.

No one is free from sin. We are all flawed. So why did I battle with feeling as though I were less than another woman just because I was not married? Perhaps it was because my sin was visible for all to see while others hide behind their’s. Perhaps it was because I thought people would think there was a “way” to do it.

On this journey of becoming a new mom at the age of 39, I had to learn say, “So what!!” I came to see that I had to loose some close friends in order to be reminded that God didn’t think I was a failure. He loved me just as much as he ever had.

I ‘d been allowing guilt and condemnation to hang over me like a cloud, rather than just asking God to forgive me for my human weakness and to bless my precious gift. In the hospital, the first night I spent holding my little angel Caasi in my arms, I did just that. I gave God praise and thanks for this second chance to be a mom again. And I vowed to teach my baby girl of the Lord’s unfailing love and to always seek his will for her life as she grew.

Through loosing the bond with friends I thought were dear to me, I was reminded that no human on earth has the right to label another a failure. They aren’t the author of our story, and you know what else, neither are we. So I praise God today for his grace, patience and unfailing love.

God has the final say. And he loves us without conditions and has a plan for each of us! Jerimiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Today I know just how blessed I truly am. I wasn’t a failure for having my daughters out of wedlock. I was chosen by God to be a mother. He has purpose for my life and for the lives of both of my precious daughters. My joy overflows as I watch both of them grow into who God created for them to be.

ℝ𝕖𝕗𝕝𝕖𝕔𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟: Have you ever felt like you let someone down and failed them? How did you handle those feelings? Negative feelings are hard to process and many times we are far harder on ourselves than anyone else is. We all have goals and expectations for our lives. The next time you feel you failed at meeting one of these goals or expectations, try not to allow fear or condemnation to consume you. Remind yourself who you are, whose you are and just how strong you are with God.

Special Note to Mothers:
Never forget that being a Mom takes strength, devotion, dedication and sacrificial love. Motherhood is both an honor and a blessing. When God chose you be Mom he gave you a purpose. Purpose that is greater than anything you could ever imagine. The purpose of motherhood is to love like Jesus: Moms love sacrificially and focus on our children. When days seem hard or near impossible, call upon the Lord. He will equip you with the strength needed to endure your situation. God blessed you with Motherhood because he knew you were capable and worthy of being called, Mama. Life is precious to God. Thank him for this calling and enjoy the beautiful journey!

Father God,

Thank you for your unconditional, unfailingly love. Father thank you for the gift of life and the gift of motherhood. I lift up anyone right now in this moment who is battling feelings of failure, fear or feelings of unworthiness. Remind them today that you did not call us to be perfect, but you did call us to seek you as our savior and to allow you to lead our lives. Father remind all who are hurting that you will work all things out for their good if they seek you and call upon your name. Remind them that all life is precious. Strengthen and renew their spirits, Father God, so that they may walk in freedom and experience your love to the fullest.

In Jesus name we pray,

Amen.

Growing with you,

Sandy

 

 

 

Begin Anywhere

Begin Anywhere

Change is hard. When life seems to be falling apart we either struggle to hold it all together or we just give up. When you feel defeated and as if pieces of your life or situation are all over the place, that is when it is time to take a break, slow down, pray and put things into perspective.

When you’re feeling overwhelmed, give yourself time to feel and sort through the pieces.

I’ve never been one to love puzzles, I’ve always found it overwhelming to look at 500+ pieces all at once. But I do know that when you invest the time to just pick up one piece and slowly start to build, eventually you create an amazing picture. By taking the time to slowly focus, and take it piece by piece, with patience you can put together what seemed at first to be a very overwhelming project.

In real life, we face challenges of all kinds. You get through one hardship or obstacle only to be faced with another. When you feel overwhelmed don’t avoid the issue and don’t run from the situation. Instead, take time to rest and spend time with GOD.

There’s something about being in GOD’s presence, he brings peace that can come from no other.

{Look up Philippians 4:7}

Many of us are so focused on trying to take control of our circumstances or on running away from them, that we fail to invest time to find mental clarity. Once these important steps (rest, time with God, refocusing) are realized and completed, that is when it will be easier to actually pick up one piece and begin creating something new or begin to restore pieces which seem irreparable.

It doesn’t matter where you start, what matters is remembering that you will get no where if you don’t begin somewhere.

Nothing is perfect and not many things come easy or without struggle.

When I have a problem all I can think about is how the issue can be eliminated. I don’t want to struggle, be hurt or feel defeated. But sometimes GOD allows certain things to break because it just wasn’t what he had planned for us. If we seek his guidance through the uncertainty, and invest time, eventually all pieces come together as GOD planned for them to.

After completing a puzzle many are left with a feeling of accomplishment. Their final result is an awesome picture made by themselves (or family and friends who may have contributed). Life is very similar to puzzles. As we navigate through life, each challenge, situation, and hardship are strategic pieces that are needed to create a bigger picture – Your life story.

GOD blessed you with purpose, chase it!

When we are overwhelmed with what seems like a mess, we are incapable of seeing the masterpiece that God has created. So when we are overwhelmed, lets run to GOD rather than running away. Lets set on our minds towards focusing on each circumstance, moment by moment, step by step, building piece by piece. One day we will reflect back in awe and pride.

Don’t allow giving up to be an option. Make up your mind not to turn back. GOD is a finisher of all things. We are not battling relationships, family, friends, or problems. We are battling our minds which the enemy fights to gain control over. Do not allow him to make you feel defeated. Decide that you are not a quitter and begin picking up those pieces.

Philippians 1:6 (NLT) says this, “And I am certain that GOD, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

Father GOD,

We thank you today for your love and mercy. Father you are good and have a perfect plan set out for each of us. Father when we feel defeated or overwhelmed, help us to call upon your name. May we never quit and never label ourselves as being incapable of accomplishing the work that you have called each of us to. Father, we know that in time all pieces are needed for a greater purpose. Please help us to never loose sight of that.

In Jesus name, Amen

Reflect: What situation or challenge are you currently being faced with? Are you feeling as if you just don’t know where to begin? Bring your pieces before the LORD and ask GOD to redirect you so that all things fall into their proper intended place.

Growing with you,

Sandy

His Love Will Shine Through

His Love Will Shine Through

When Jesus holds your heart, no matter what you do to hide, He will always shine through!!

There have been times I’ve tried to hide who I am and deny that God called me to share his heart. I’ve labeled myself unworthy, lost, sinful, not smart enough, not holy enough, and more. I’ve listened to people tell me I was fake and how hypocritical christians are. And I’ve felt useless in those moments.

I’ve come to realize that may be the opinion for some, but no matter how many times I ignore the Lord’s pull on my heart nor how many times I deem myself to be unworthy he continues to remind me that his call is simple:

No matter how many times you’re knocked down, keep choosing to get back up & draw closer to me, I your Lord, will do the rest.

For he is the light 💡 and the only one which can never be dimmed.

God isn’t asking us to be perfect. He knows that we will make mistakes and sin. But don’t label yourself what you are not. Do not be defined by opinions, mistakes, your bad days, or by the voices in your head telling you what you are not.

Let God’s love shine through and allow others to see that you are a work in progress. You’re set apart because you are called by him, to remind others of his sacrifice and undying love ❤️

Father God,

We thank you for your unconditional, undying love. We thank you that you are so amazing that you have chosen us and called us. Lord when we feel weak and unworthy, remind us who we are. Remind us that it is your light [YOUR LOVE] that will ultimately shine through. We know that mistakes will be made. But remind us to never loose sight of who we are in you. Thank you for being the light within.

Amen 🙏

Growing with you,

Sandy

Be Light 💡

Be Light 💡

This world can seem so dark and many of us are living wounded in a daily struggle just trying get by. We all have internal & external battles taking place. So while my life does have dark moments, even when I am in my own storm, I still must consciously choose to help uplift others who reach out in need. Trust me, when in your own storm this is a very hard thing to do.

Sometimes I feel like I have nothing to give. But as I worshiped him this morning, God reminded me that I do: I have Jesus to give.

When others come to me and they are struggling with heavy hearts I can be a light by reminding them that Jesus is their anchor! I am to let them know that Jesus will sustain them through their storm. He has done it for me time and time again, and he will do the same for them.

When you feel unworthy to be a giver or unworthy to be an example to anyone due to the personal battle you may still be fighting, be reminded that even in your storm YOU STILL CAN BE LIGHT💡 and you can still help encourage others. Show them to Jesus. That is the very thing which he has called you to do! Make a choice to still serve others and in due time, you too will be blessed and overcome the battle you are in.

Lets Pray:

Father God we thank you. We thank you for loving us when we are too weak to love ourselves. We thank you for the gift of family, friends and sometimes even strangers which you strategically place in our lives to help lift our spirits and show us that there is still light. Father we know that there are dark days we will face in this world. Remind us that we are not alone. Lord Jesus, remind us that we can still be light even when we are fighting our own battles. Give us the strength to run to you when we don’t know the way to go. Lead us, fill us and direct us Lord. Remind us we are yours and that you are by our sides in every circumstance. May we never forget that you are here. Comfort those who feel unworthy, hurt, and incapable of being used. Strengthen us to look to you to fight our battles so that we can help our fellow brothers and sisters in need. Father move in our hearts and help us to walk in the purpose you set out for us. Bless all those just trying to find a way. Remind us we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us.

In Jesus name, we give you all the Glory for the healing that will take place going forward. Amen.

~Growing with you! ❤️ Sandy

Never Give Up!!

Never Give Up!!

There are so many challenges we face in life. One day you’re full of joy and so thankful to be alive. You wake up feeling good and as if you’re capable of taking on anything that comes your way. You leave the house and go outside soaking in the rays of sunshine, feeling warm and counting all blessings.

But other days are not so good…

Other days we wake up with a heaviness thinking of our problems and issues. Feeling stressed, weak and clueless as to how we can overcome the challenge we are are faced with that day.

Life is that way. We will experience moments or seasons of fear, sadness, depression, anger, discouragement, defeat, hopelessness & confusion. It’s important to acknowledge your feelings and know it’s OK to feel. We are human!!! Don’t feel guilty for hurting. Let the tears fall! Tears renew strength.

Take time to feel and sort through your feelings. But remember: Don’t stay in that place, PUSH yourself to get threw and C̳O̳N̳Q̳U̳E̳R̳!̳!̳!

After you spend time acknowledging your heaviness try to find ways to help push you past them. Meditate, pray, nap, relax with a warm cup of tea or coffee or do whatever brings you fulfillment. Seek renewed strength and remind yourself of the good in life. Remember you got this!

“Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors and gain an overwhelming victory through Him who loved us [so much that He died for us].” ROMANS‬ ‭8:37‬ ‭AMP‬‬

If ever you feel as though you are unable to overcome a heaviness on your own, know that it’s OK to seek help. Engage the help of a counselor or a wise mentor who can help you navigate through your negative feelings and work towards a resolution to the problem. Know that there is always hope even when we don’t feel it. GOD IS ABLE!

Growing with you,

Sandy

May God Bless You this Christmas

May God Bless You this Christmas

For many households this day is a morning full of joy and love. Families gather together by the tree as they exchange gifts. Floors are full of wrapping paper, and laughter fills the the air.

But for some, it is a morning of emptiness, pain or loneliness. Some are alone and have no one to celebrate with. While others are there in a room of people, but alone in their mind struggling with the pain of missing a loved one who is away or longing for someone no longer here on earth.

The very first Christmas was celebrated with worship and wonder. All who gathered celebrated in awe of the savior. Let us not forget the true reason of this day.

No matter how you are feeling, may we all be reminded that this day is reserved to remember the gift of Love God gave every single one of us: Jesus Christ.

If you are in a place of pain today, step outside of those feelings and take time to worship and get in the presence of the Lord. His love is a gift that is with each and every one of us today.

May we all center our minds and hearts around Jesus today, for it is there that we all find peace and joy.

Thinking of you all this Christmas and praying that you know just how blessed and loved you are.

Merry Christmas 🎄

May God Bless You this Christmas.

Love,

Sandy

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Here in the Middle

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I have been struggling for a few weeks with gathering my thoughts together enough to write anything that would make sense enough to encourage someone. My mind at times felt like it was full of chaos. Thoughts flew through it non-stop and as much as I tried, I could only find moments of peace.

At night when I lay down to sleep, thoughts kept me up. I thought of literally everything; work, bills, family, illness, education, death, household chores, home repairs, mistakes, failure, not being good enough, disappointing loved ones, broken dreams, anger, desires of my heart… You name it, it probably was one of the thoughts racing through my mind. Some days I gave myself a headache due to overthinking so much. I felt confused and overwhelmed.

The main thing that kept me up was thinking of my weakness and of the ways that I let God down and disappoint him. Now, I truly believe that God uses us in our weakness, yet here I was feeling shame for having weakness.  The enemy had me right where he wanted me, feeling like I wasn’t in a place to help anyone else.

But then, someone was led to send me Yolanda Adams song “Open my Heart”.  As I sat there in my bed and listened to it, I broke into tears. And in the moment I realized it is okay to feel lost.  This weakness broke me down and humbled me enough to realize that I need to feel broken in order to be open to receiving God’s guidance.

When we have so much going on in life, we feel like don’t have an ounce of energy to speak or to even process thoughts and find clarity. But God is not a God of confusion and he desires that we seek him to find peace and recognize his presence in our lives.

– Feeling weak is okay – 

We were not made to always be strong on our own. We have a loving father that longs for us to ask for his help and to be our strength. Our weakness has intention, it allows God to show his mighty power in our lives.

Like many of you, I struggle with weakness and my weakness causes me to become dubious of my own ability to be used by God. I am battling a weakness right now, but God knows my heart and he knows my desire is to do his will.

When we fall down and feel like we can’t get up, or shouldn’t get up, that is when we need him the most. Our loving father is right here with us in the middle of our storm, our failure, our mistake, our illnesses, and he is right here by our side in our darkest moment waiting for us look up to him and ask him to help us.

So right there in your darkest moment, whatever it is you are battling, will you look to our Heavenly Father and ask him to help you rise again? If you’re battling depression or suicidal thoughts, ask him to restore in you the desire to live again. If you have lost your job and feel like you are alone and don’t belong anywhere, will you trust him to make a way and open a new door of opportunity for you?

When you seek him, he will answer. But you must be open to the ways he will show you that he is there. Sometimes he shows himself in the simplest ways.  For me it was a reminder through a song that he is there to help me find my way again.

When you call on the name of Jesus, he will give you the strength to rise and get up again. He will have someone call or show up in that very moment when you feel life isn’t worth it anymore, and save you. He will place your resume on the desk of someone who will offer you a job far better than the one you lost.  He will answer that prayer that you have been pouring your heart into so many times at night, and he will give you strength to fight your addiction and overcome it.

Sometimes things don’t happen the very instant we want it to.  But hang in there and continue to praise him in your storm. Seek and dare to trust his will for your life.

Singer Ellie Holcomb reminds us best that God is here with us in every moment through the chorus of her song, Find You Here

Chorus:

Here in the middle of the lonely night
Here in the middle of the losing fight
You’re here in the middle of the deep regret
Here when the healing hasn’t happened yet
Here in the middle of the desert place
Here in the middle when I cannot see Your face
Here in the middle with Your outstretched arms
You can see my pain and it breaks Your heart

Father,

Thank you for your perfect timing and thank you for reminding us that you are with us in every single moment, even the most difficult ones. Father, we invite your spirit to enter our minds and hearts and ask you to drive out confusion and chaos. Cover us with your peace. Father, we ask you to break the chains of depression, suicidal thoughts, and hopelessness in anyone who is struggling in these areas and restore within them a spirit of joy, peace, and of sound mind. May they place their trust and hope in you and seek help. Remind them that you created them for a purpose Father, you are mighty to save. Please have your way in all of our lives.

In Jesus name,

Amen.

If you or someone you know is battling depression or suicidal thoughts, please seek help from a friend, family member, Pastor, Deacon or call your doctor for a referral to a licensed counselor who can help. Mental Illness is a serious matter that many people struggle with in silence. If you are here on this earth today, know God still has purpose for your life.  Your are loved and are not alone.  National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 (Available 24 hrs a day/7 days a week)

Please be encouraged by Ellie Holcomb’s song below and know that you are never alone.

Growing with you,

Sandy