I have been struggling for a few weeks with gathering my thoughts together enough to write anything that would make sense enough to encourage someone. My mind at times felt like it was full of chaos. Thoughts flew through it non-stop and as much as I tried, I could only find moments of peace.
At night when I lay down to sleep, thoughts kept me up. I thought of literally everything; work, bills, family, illness, education, death, household chores, home repairs, mistakes, failure, not being good enough, disappointing loved ones, broken dreams, anger, desires of my heart… You name it, it probably was one of the thoughts racing through my mind. Some days I gave myself a headache due to overthinking so much. I felt confused and overwhelmed.
The main thing that kept me up was thinking of my weakness and of the ways that I let God down and disappoint him. Now, I truly believe that God uses us in our weakness, yet here I was feeling shame for having weakness. The enemy had me right where he wanted me, feeling like I wasn’t in a place to help anyone else.
But then, someone was led to send me Yolanda Adams song “Open my Heart”. As I sat there in my bed and listened to it, I broke into tears. And in the moment I realized it is okay to feel lost. This weakness broke me down and humbled me enough to realize that I need to feel broken in order to be open to receiving God’s guidance.
When we have so much going on in life, we feel like don’t have an ounce of energy to speak or to even process thoughts and find clarity. But God is not a God of confusion and he desires that we seek him to find peace and recognize his presence in our lives.
– Feeling weak is okay –
We were not made to always be strong on our own. We have a loving father that longs for us to ask for his help and to be our strength. Our weakness has intention, it allows God to show his mighty power in our lives.
Like many of you, I struggle with weakness and my weakness causes me to become dubious of my own ability to be used by God. I am battling a weakness right now, but God knows my heart and he knows my desire is to do his will.
When we fall down and feel like we can’t get up, or shouldn’t get up, that is when we need him the most. Our loving father is right here with us in the middle of our storm, our failure, our mistake, our illnesses, and he is right here by our side in our darkest moment waiting for us look up to him and ask him to help us.
So right there in your darkest moment, whatever it is you are battling, will you look to our Heavenly Father and ask him to help you rise again? If you’re battling depression or suicidal thoughts, ask him to restore in you the desire to live again. If you have lost your job and feel like you are alone and don’t belong anywhere, will you trust him to make a way and open a new door of opportunity for you?
When you seek him, he will answer. But you must be open to the ways he will show you that he is there. Sometimes he shows himself in the simplest ways. For me it was a reminder through a song that he is there to help me find my way again.
When you call on the name of Jesus, he will give you the strength to rise and get up again. He will have someone call or show up in that very moment when you feel life isn’t worth it anymore, and save you. He will place your resume on the desk of someone who will offer you a job far better than the one you lost. He will answer that prayer that you have been pouring your heart into so many times at night, and he will give you strength to fight your addiction and overcome it.
Sometimes things don’t happen the very instant we want it to. But hang in there and continue to praise him in your storm. Seek and dare to trust his will for your life.
Singer Ellie Holcomb reminds us best that God is here with us in every moment through the chorus of her song, Find You Here
Here in the middle of the lonely night
Here in the middle of the losing fight
You’re here in the middle of the deep regret
Here when the healing hasn’t happened yet
Here in the middle of the desert place
Here in the middle when I cannot see Your face
Here in the middle with Your outstretched arms
You can see my pain and it breaks Your heart
Thank you for your perfect timing and thank you for reminding us that you are with us in every single moment, even the most difficult ones. Father, we invite your spirit to enter our minds and hearts and ask you to drive out confusion and chaos. Cover us with your peace. Father, we ask you to break the chains of depression, suicidal thoughts, and hopelessness in anyone who is struggling in these areas and restore within them a spirit of joy, peace, and of sound mind. May they place their trust and hope in you and seek help. Remind them that you created them for a purpose Father, you are mighty to save. Please have your way in all of our lives.
In Jesus name,
If you or someone you know is battling depression or suicidal thoughts, please seek help from a friend, family member, Pastor, Deacon or call your doctor for a referral to a licensed counselor who can help. Mental Illness is a serious matter that many people struggle with in silence. If you are here on this earth today, know God still has purpose for your life. Your are loved and are not alone. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 (Available 24 hrs a day/7 days a week)
Please be encouraged by Ellie Holcomb’s song below and know that you are never alone.
Growing with you,